Mother’s Day. Could there be any worse day for someone who wants to be one? What can make this day even worse is when someone tries to include ME in the celebration. For example, every year at church small gifts are handed out to ALL the women, child-full and child-less alike. Ugh. I dread those words from the man on the pulpit at the end of services “Will ALL the women in the congregation stand up for a special gift”. Standing up so people can recognize my infertility is the last thing I want to do on this day. The worst is when I try to rebel against the direction and some sweet old lady standing behind me is telling me to “stand up” because “you are a motherly influence to all the children your life”. Why can’t we just celebrate the mothers? I always wonder how other women without kids feel about this recognition, maybe they aren’t mothers because they don’t want to be. And I can’t help but think about my friends who want nothing more than to be married and have children of their own.
Every year I hope to have good intentions to celebrate my mother, but I quickly become consumed with my own self-pity that her recognition takes a back-seat. This year may be the exception, maybe. I thought I would get a head-start to my self-pity by sending her gift a week early, I guess I am turning over a new leaf. Back to my self-pity (what this blog post is really about). I want share too much and maybe even a little pathetic, my mother’s day “tradition”. It usually starts the beginning of the week leading up to the “BIG day”. During this time I will have regular fantasies of my baby-to-come. Will I get a surprise phone call from a birth mom telling me she is in labor and has chosen me to be the mother of her child? Will I wake up from my nightmare of infertility and hear a crying baby? Will I answer the door to find a baby in a basket? Will it be the day I get to call my own mother and tell her that she will finally be a grandma? Or will it be the day I tell my husband that I had a positive pregnancy test and he is going to be a father? I told you, too much pathetic and sad information. Because I have gotten my self-pity out of the way early I hope to be able to celebrate this holiday for what it is? Mother’s Day. I have a mother, a mother-in-law, and many grandmotherss and guess what? I can celebrate them without the expectation to be celebrated myself. Happy Mother’s Day! (to mom’s only).